MY BIGGEST FEAR AS A YOUNG MOM & REFLECTIONS |

This morning on my way to work the song Beautiful U R by Deborah Cox started playing and I instantly started to tear up. To give you a bit of a back story, this is the song my mom dedicated to me when I was 16 and pregnant with Mialyna. It reminds me of such a bittersweet time in my life I was pregnant, dealing with a complex pregnancy, suffering from severe anxiety and depression from the situation with Mialyna's father, and life just seemed so complex. At one point, I looked like the joy was just sucked right out of me. Yet, I was anxiously waiting for my daughters arrival as I was literally living for her. I remember days I would sit there listening to this song and my mom telling me everything was going to be okay and that I am strong enough to deal with all of this. She would say ..."Alysia, listen to the song - you are beautiful, don't let this tear you down, who knows what will happen but everything will work out for you". This is something my mom repeated over and over to me. At the time, things seemed to just keep getting worse with the situation and I never seemed to catch a break. The only thing that made me happy was knowing I was fighting for my daughters life and I had to be strong for her. I won't get into the details of my story of being pregnant (I'll save that for another post), but just know it was not your typical story nor was it ideal. But, my daughter, the love I had towards my unborn baby, and this song got me through this pregnancy. So, as you can imagine this song holds a very special place in my heart.

However, I always had this one fear when I found out I was going to be be a young single mother. That fear was I wouldn't be able to provide my daughter with everything she ever dreamed of or what an older mother or two parents could do. I never wanted her to feel less than anyone else around her or the other children she would meet when she grew up. I'm sure some of you out there can relate to this as well. It also didn't help that I had so many outsiders telling me I wouldn't be able to do certain things for her or I wouldn't be able to even finish school. The questions that would pop into my head were... Will I be able to buy her a house one day? Will I have the financial stability to provide her with everything she needed or dreamed of? Would she be happy? Would I be enough?..

She was my world and I wanted to give her the world the second I heard her heart beat in the hospital when I found out I was pregnant. I knew my parents would support me and do everything in their power for my daughter and I. Oh and they did- and went above and beyond for us. But, I wanted to know that I was going to be able to do this for her on my own as well. It was something I always feared. This fear in combination with the love towards my daughter lit a fire in me that made me unstoppable. This fear it motivated me to fight and work towards the best life for my daughter and I. I wanted to prove myself and everyone else wrong - that I would accomplish all my goals and I would provide my daughter with not only the best life possible but I would show her what hard work and dedication looked like. I wanted to prove that having my daughter did not stop me from anything - it actually made me thrive and excel in everything I did. Because not only was I doing it for myself, I was doing it for her. The song instantly turned into my theme song that got me through the days I felt discouraged or down. It got me through tough times, college, university or whenever I had to be away from my daughter.

Fast forward to today, when I heard the song after so long I instantly reflected back to those days and those fears I once had. This time instead of tears of sadness, it was tears of feeling accomplished and happy. It made me realize how far I have come, how life has changed, and how thankful I am. From being a 16 year old girl pregnant not knowing how life would turn out to a 25 year old woman being so happy with life and being a mother to one of the happiest girls in the world. I finished university/college, I have been able to purchase a home for my daughter, I have landed a job in the field I had set my heart on when I was 14, and I'm in a great relationship. My daughter has the life I always dreamed of her having. I'm not only able to provide the basics necessities and unconditional love (something I knew from the start I would be able to do) for my daughter, I am able to fulfill some of her dreams and wishes. I was able to get her the puppy we always dreamed of and a hot tub in the backyard for her to splash around in. I know it's not about the materialistic things, but it sure does feel great to know I am able to do some of things I once dreamed about doing for her or didn't think I could do.

I'm also so thankful to my parents and all my support that got me to this point. I would not be here or have been able to conquer this fear and everything I set out to do without you. I'm also so thankful for my daughter and the journey that I went through. It taught me to not take crap from anyone and that you can accomplish anything. Today and hearing the song reminded me that I am strong, life changes, and nothing or no one can bring you down.

So, I hope today's post helps you realize that you are beautiful! No matter what fears or circumstance you are currently in...life has a way of working out, and you need to fight for what you want. Turn that fear into fire and chase your dreams. Make sure you take a listen to this song (Beautiful U R by Deborah Cox)- I guarantee it will make you feel better. I dedicate it to all of you out there reading this post!

Until next time,

Alysia xo

#16andpregnant #youngmom #singlemom #teenmom #lifestyle #lifestyleblog #updates #fear #thankful