BRUISED, BROKEN & BAD NEWS | Story time and Life Updates

I know I have been gone for awhile - but I have a good excuse this time. I know I'm one to usually blame it on being too busy or my typical mom/work life. This not the case this time as a lot has been going on with me emotionally and physically. However, since I have a bit of energy I thought I would write and update all of you... and to be honest I just have this urge to write to help cope with some stuff that is going on. So, here we go....

Scared. Terrified. Hopeful. These are some of the emotions I have been feeling - but, let's start at the beginning.

About three weeks ago- I was having a pretty good day at work and I was finally getting back into the swing of things post-holidays. I was back in routine, caught up at work, and determined to hit my new years resolutions. However, I guess the universe had some different plans (typical).

I was leaving work and we just had an ice storm and both my mom and grandma warned me to be careful on my way to the gym and walking- knowing that I'm kind of clumsy. Just my luck on my way out of the office almost in my car- I fell on ice... hard (Thanks for not salting grr). The pain was brutal, but I finally managed to get into my car. I knew the pain was pretty bad on my left side, but I was determined to get home. When I got to my parents place and tried to get out of my car - the pain was extreme. I couldn't walk or put pressure on my leg. So, I decided to take it easy. I figured if I rested that I would be okay.

This wasn't the case and the pain just got worse- I couldn't even walk. I ended up going to the local walk-in clinic the next day to get it checked out. He determined I was severely bruised and had a ton of build up of blood in my leg... also he was concerned that I broke or fractured my hip- which resulted in a X-Ray (that I almost said no to). He advised me to do the typical- rest, heat, ice and elevate. I went for the X-Ray- which was a struggle in itself. I was told by the technician they would send out the images ASAP and get back to me with the results Friday.

Friday- passed. I figured nothing was broken and I was in the clear. I was and am staying with my parents because I couldn't do anything alone. Over the weekend, the bruises appeared and the pain just got worse. On top of it - Mialyna was rushed to the ER due to severe pain in her stomach (terrible timing)- but, don't worry she's doing great now!

Monday rolled around and I was in a lot of pain still and had to take the next few days off work. Then, I received a call from the clinic to come in for my results. I figured they just wanted to go over my results or mention something about my injury from the fall. After waiting 4 hours in pain to get the results, the doctor told me he wanted to send me for a bone scan next due to the radiologists request. The reason being that they found an accidental find that was unrelated to the fall - a tumour in my bone. He didn't want to get into details and told me to wait for the scan to find out more and to confirm. He whispered words of diseases, spreading of tumours, long term effects - honestly it is a blur.

I was in shock and just couldn't comprehend what happened. I just went back to my car to tell my mom the news.

My scan was scheduled for March 13. I was confused, worried, and unsure of what was happening. My family and close ones told me it was best to get a second opinion and just to go to the scan - maybe the doctor was wrong (probably just trying to get me to be positive). During this time, I was also advised to take it easy due to my injuries from the fall since I was in so much pain still.

Days went by and things didn't seem to improve - the pain just gets worse. At this point, I was so concerned about the pain that I kind of brushed off the bad news I received before- hoping it wasn't true. I think I honestly made myself think it was a mistake and that there was no way I had a tumour.

I ended up getting a call from the hospital with news that they wanted to move up my bone scan to Feb.3.

During the week - I worked a bit from home, rested, and been dealing with the pain. This Friday the pain got so bad in my left leg I could not wait any longer. The medicine was not working - none of it.

I ended up going to the ER to see a doctor again.

Many hours later and after a lot of X-rays and medications. The doctor stated that he thinks I have a small fracture in my pelvic bone from the fall. Treatment- rest and let it heal on it's own... oh, and some strong meds. LOTS OF MEDS!

Then---He called us over to the screen where he put up the X-Rays to show us something. He pointed to something on my x-ray and said that it was a tumour that was in my bone. He pointed out that it was not the same on the other side. It filled my entire bone. Hearing it for the second time and seeing it with my own eyes- made it so real... and terrifying. It finally hit me.

The questions flowed - is it cancer? will it spread? is it going to cause pain? is it big? is it possible I have more in different parts of my body?

He didn't want to say too much (of course) and said the scan would tell us more. He said the scan and other tests would confirm if the tumour was cancerous or not and said that even if it wasn't cancerous these tumours tend to grow and could cause my bone to break or be damaged. It could also be a sign of other diseases or lead to more tumours developing. The scan also needed to confirm if there were any other tumours anywhere else in my body - since they had only looked at my hips. Everyone said I was lucky that I fell since otherwise I might have not known.

Although I'm trying to stay positive - it's hard and really scary. I'm in shock that all this is coming to light due to a fall on some ice. I'm worried about the answers, but want them. It scares me that I have a tumour in my bone. The possibility of surgery or cancer just frightens me. The fact that it is hard to tell if a bone tumour is cancerous or not -scares me. The fact that it grows- scares me. The fact it could break my bones - scares me. The fact that I had no idea of this or when it started or how fast it has grown - scares me. The fact that it could turn into cancer later even if it's not right now - scares me.

I'm trying to be strong for Mialyna and I - I also have an amazing support system who has been helping me through the outcome of the fall and these new results make me feel beyond blessed.

However, this whole situation also has me wondering and contemplating everything leading up to this moment and the future. I'm mad, angry, and sad that this is just another obstacle put in my way. I'm also disappointed that 2018 has already started with so much stress. It also makes me look into the past and wonder - did everything happen the way it did because this was going to happen? Will I get to accomplish and experience the things I have planned for the future?

I know I have to be positive- but sometimes it is really hard. I'm just honestly tired of bad news and obstacles.

I'm also in shock about how so much has happened in the past few weeks. How tired I get from simple tasks and how every time I feel pain in my hip I'm reminded of what has developed inside of my bones.

However, I am grateful I caught it now. I'm grateful that my scan got moved up by over a month. I'm grateful that I have everyone there for me. I'm grateful for everyone who has checked in and even those who I haven't spoke to in a long time.

I know there are people out there probably dealing with harder things and have gotten worse results than I have so far. So, in no way am I trying to say that my problems are the worst thing ever. So, please don't take it that way. I'm just human and I'm just scared, in shock and worried.

I have a countless number of people telling me " you are strong", " whatever it is we will deal with it", " stay positive" and more. I'm trying and will continue to try. No matter the outcome - I'll be positive.

This whole situation has also made me realize a lot of things and reflect. It has been a reminder to always live life to the fullest and fully embrace today- because life can change any moment. Don't take things for granted. Cherish your loved ones. Eat the cake. Do the things that make you happy now. Always say I love you. Don't judge people - you don't know the struggles they are facing.

and most importantly - everything really does happen for a reason. Even if it means breaking your hip to find out something greater.

I know this is a long post, but I just wanted to share and I also just needed to release some thoughts somewhere. I'll be back to update you later (hopefully with good news)- I'll try to post some other stuff later as well. xo

Until next time,

Alysia xo