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I AM NEGATIVE & INSECURE |

Alysia H.
Aug 4, 2017
5 min read

Something I have always struggled with is being way too hard on myself and insecure. I envy girls who are constantly positive and super confident with who they are. I have always been the girl who looks at the glass half empty and always criticized everything about myself. After having my daughter, I feel like this heightened. I instantly set higher expectations for myself and aimed for perfection. Also, after everything I went through at such a young age it made me more negative. I always expect things to go wrong and always doubt everything.

I always thought that if I went in with a negative mind set and thinking that things would NOT work out that I would never be disappointed. I did not see the point of hyping myself up and being super positive to only be let down. I was this way with everything - school, relationships, work, everything! I was just sick of being let down in my past that I did not want to give anyone the opportunity to let me down again. In school, I studied hard and got A's- and for some reason I would convince myself I was not doing enough and I would fail. In relationships, I always expected the worst from my partner or that I would end up heart broken. This was not something healthy and it resulted in heightened anxiety that even landed me in the hospital a few times. I was constantly trying to aim for perfection when it wasn't realistic.

On top of being super negative, I was always very insecure and this is something I still struggle with. This is something I'm sure most women can relate to. We are incredibly hard on ourselves and we never give ourselves enough credit. I always fixated on things I wanted to change about myself or didn't like. I would never focus on what made me unique, special, and beautiful. I had a hard time accepting compliments or I would constantly drown them with the negative thoughts that went through my mind. I would hide and worry too much about what other people thought of me, my body, and my appearance. It stopped me from doing so many things or made me not enjoy certain moments to it's fullest. With social media being all the craze now, it makes it even harder to accept who you are and not compare yourself to others. We are constantly scrolling through images that seem picture perfect. We idolize those who have a perfect body on Instagram, couple goal pages, and all the other highlights people are posting on their page. It makes it almost impossible to be satisfied with what you have. We don't realize that everything is filtered and that we are only seeing the best of the best on our feeds. That everyone has a story that is not shown, everyone struggles, and nothing is perfect.

When I completed my under grad and went through some rocky times, I realized my insecurities got worse. I was getting harder on myself about my body image and was never satisfied with being me. I had taken the energy and pressure I put on myself during school onto my body.

Then it hit me.

I was tired of comparing myself to others, being so damn hard on myself, and living with a negative mindset. I wanted to make a change not only for myself, but to be a good example for my daughter. March of this year- I decide ... I decided it was time to start loving myself from the inside out. I made it my mission to feel confident in who I am and accept how beautiful it is to NOT be perfect. I also made it a mission to make a change in my lifestyle to improve myself so that confidence would come easier. I decided to workout more, eat cleaner, have a positive mindset, and appreciate my flaws. To do whatever it takes to feel better about myself. I decided to stop comparing myself to others and realize that we each are so different that is what makes us unique. I cannot compare myself to those I see on a social media feed- because I did not walk in their shoes, I do not live the same life as them, and we are completely different.

During this journey, I have been able to feel more confident in my own skin, give myself credit, and to not give a damn what anyone thinks of me. Not everyday has been perfect, there are still days that I beat myself up about things... this week personally has been one that hasn't been an easy one. But, I've accepted that this is all apart of the journey and that we all have insecurities that will get the best of us at times.

The main reason I'm sharing this is because I'm sure many of you can relate and to be honest I needed a reminder myself. Two nights ago, I saw myself falling into old habits of criticizing myself and being super judge mental of my body. Some of you may look at my feed or my daily updates throughout this blog and think " Oh she is perfect, she has everything together, life looks easy, or she must be super happy all the time". I want you to realize this is not the case and we are all the same. I have bad days, I have days were I don't feel my best, and days where I am a complete mess. We all have our flaws and insecurities. That is what makes us special.

Let today mark the day you stop giving a damn what others think. Let today be the day you embrace who you are. Let today be the day you stop comparing yourself. Because it is okay to have flaws, insecurities, or to have a bad day - there is something so beautiful in imperfection.

From here on out - point out everything you love about yourself, be positive, be strong, look past the filters, and stop caring what others think about you- starting living for you and not your social media feed. Stop letting your negativity and insecurities control you and the way you live. Be confident in who you are. Realize that you are enough that you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to.

I hope this post helps someone out there that is going through a tough time or being a little too hard on themselves. I hope you all share this with other women in your life who are also struggling with the same issues. Let's inspire each other.

You are beautiful- remember that.

Until next time,

Alysia xo